honest, uncompensated owner's Nikon D800 series DSLR camera review

So what do I think about the Nikon d8XX series based upon my ownD800?

This: I wrote  on the Nikon FB page and suggested to them where to shove this camera with all the unnecessary, uneeded, unexplained conflicting,  settings.

The D800 has WAY too many settings on the rear screen that often conflict with one another and with the buttons and dials, WITHOUT ever giving iny information about the conflicting settings.Then  to get the camera properly functioning again, one has to factory reset it. 

So I've had my D800 a few months and have had to factory reset it three times, the last time TO SIMPLY UNLOCK THE SHUTTER SPEED CONTROL!

I had to factory reset it because I could find no are NO instructions that work on my camera on the internet or in the manual to unlock the shutter speed. There is an instruction on Nikon.com that is totally bogus which says '"select control" and rotate dial' but it never illustrates or describes WTF "select control" is!?!

Other places I found said that one is supposed to press the fn button and rotate the front or back command dial to unlock the aperture or the shutter speed (so how come the Nikon page didn't say that?). But it doesn't unlock anything,   if as I did, have reassigned the fn button, which disables the ability to unlock the shutter speed.

Nevermind how it got locked in the first place, because I have NO IDEA. I know it wasn't locked when I reassigned the fn button, which was the very first thing I did again after the second factory reset and before using the camera.

It seems to me to be a case of Nikon trying to please everyone's whims and whimsies with this camera to the point that it pleases no one.

Nothing illustrates my point above more than the fact that with this camera, one  has the the ability to reassign virtually every hard dial and button on the camera via the rear display. 

But there are too many settings available in the rear display WITHOUT an entire long menu for changing all the buttons and dials around so that one cannot then USE THE MANUAL to figure out how to, Oh IDK UNLOCK THE FRIGGING SHUTTER SPEED! 

Mostg amazingly though, this camera doesn't have flash or a flash charged indicator IN ANY DISPLAY!?! AND THAT AIN"T ALL!

unlcke most  iIkon film cameras from the 1980s on, popping a Nikon Speedlight flash on this D800 and turning it on in TTL or auto does not mean that the flash is going to flash when you take the next shot because this camera doesn't automatically switch to flash control when the flash is mounted and turned on!

Instead, the first time I tried to use the flash, it wouldn't work, and I had to monkey with buttons and dials for 15 minutes  until I found the one that made the flash start flashing when i pressed the shutter button. And as I all ready said, even when the flash is working with this camera, tehre is no flash ready indicator  designated by a lightning bolt icon in film camera displays,  IN ANY DISPLAY ON THIS CAMERA!?!

As it turns out, and like many other things, you will not find this information in the manual or on the internet, but the camera has to be in a low manual ISO speed in order for the flash to operate! WTF?

There are more utterly frustrating BS with these digital nightmares that I've had to figure out but have forgotten all ready and undoubtedly will run into again with this POS camera taht takes beautiful pictures IF it feels like it or if it hasn't changed it's own settings on you, apparently.

In fact it took me a half an evening to be able to shoot anything at all with it. When I finally got it shooting pictures, after learning trhe controls and setting all the settings, it was great and I thought Finally, one click, one good shot in focus no muss no fuss, no need for bracketing anymore or shooting a ton of pictures to make sure I got one in focus.

Yeah right, that lasted about a day until the camera wouldn't shoot any pictures anymore and I couldn't find the conflicting controls and had to factory reset it the first time and start over.

After that, sometimes I could pick it up, shoot pictures I needed to shoot, taking only one shot each subject for awhile and then NOT! Sometimes it's easy peezy to get the shot the first time and then other times IN THE SAME CONDTIONS NEALRY IMPOSSIBLE because the flash doesn't work. or it deoesn't focus or the exposure is way low and I have to hunt down the frigging setting that all of a sudden, for some unknown reason, perhaps accidentally bumping ONE OR MORE OF THE 678,000 buttons or dials on the camera that caused the latest problem.

I went through the same crap shooting pictures in the dark with a flash. First the flash wouldn't work and then when I got the settingws so that it would work after a half hour, did the modelling light come on like it's supposed to? NO! the modelling light is set to come on in low light, But hafl the time it does and half the time it doesn't. usually it comes on when there is enough light that I don't need it, but when there is virtually no light, It doesn't come on at all!?!

And I bet everybody else using these cameras and leaving half assed reviews think they are just hunky dory fine, but I sure as hell don't.

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Negative Review of (aNTHONY) Hout's Enterprises BNusiness tactics and Duracoat shake&bake product

 this product  is little more than paint not very durable until I coated over it with clear Por15. durable and Houts spontaneously volunteered the same assessment of it in a phone conversation when i said it seemed to be decently durable! However, this seller in my experience  is horribly dishonest , obfuscative, seemingly understanding and customer oriented at first, but as the return process concluded, I got little more than half my original expenditure back and callous replies repleat with changing reasons for the deduction from my refund!

    To Hout's Enterprises) I spent $63 for the Shake and Bake Duracoat product which included $12  shipping and no taxes, subsequently returned it, paying $18 shipping via UPS and received a whopping $35 refund, not to mention his email did not accept my advance REQUEST TO CANCEL THE ORDER right after I ordered it before he sent it like a week later. 

      His original refund invoice cited "minus a "shipping allowance" that was greek to me since I paid for the shipping both ways and I replied a queried about it . He replied tersely "it's all; in the invoice". then I replied a second time explaining at length to the effect that  'I don't understand your terminology in the invoice as to why I paid $55 including shipping (turned out actually pad $8 MORE) and only got back $35." 

     Again he replied, but that this time, the aforementioned surcharge for the return was a "restocking fee"! So he Charged me a WHOPPING 31% "restocking fee for an item returned untouched unopened, fully resalable to what to all appearances to me is likely is A sole proprietor business that INCURRED NO expense to "restock" the item I returned. 

     Anthony Houts therefore seems to be determined to profit off any and every transaction  BOTH COMING AND GOING by concocting phony charged for his products when they are returned and then reselling them again at full price. Very shoddy, profit centered treatment of customers, in my opinion.

Great Apple Idea: Bluetooth Wrist

RE: "SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- Initially, one disruption that could come from the much-anticipated Apple Watch is its social annoyance, as gadget lovers use it to make telephone calls in the manner of Dick Tracy and talk into their wrists in public.
Apple Inc. (AAPL) Chief Executive Tim Cook seemed super-excited about the ability to talk into his Apple Watch, which needs to be connected to an iPhone, as he unveiled details about the company's lineup of smartwatches (http://blogs.marketwatch.com/thetell/2015/03/09/live-blog-apple-expected-to-unveil-apple-watch-details/) Monday.
"I have been wanting to do this since I was five years old!" Cook said. "The day is finally here." 

So is the IWatch  going to "revolutionize" our  personal gadgetry? In the eyes of the adoring public, will the IWatch transform  Cook into the second (living) Steve "SuperAppleMan" Jobs? Note, I really don't know WTFudge it's called yet, don't care & here here the I use the term "revoutionize"  in the manner of Cook & the suck-arse mass media trolling for Apple advertising $. Because you know what, other companies had  all ready BTDT with personal devices long before the Iphone, Ipod & IPad, which were merely Apple versions of stuff all ready on the market. But still I give them credit where it is due, all took the world by storm and spawned a number of wannabes & clones. But NONE were the first, nor were they revolutionary in the classic sense.

So is it going to happen again with the IWatch? Gosh I hope not & Somehow I doubt it. But then again am I about to become one of those "Television is just a passing fad" skeptics underestimating the power of the mass media to sell people expensive things they previously didn't know they needed or wanted?

From the description above, The IWatch seems to be just Apple's next proprietary, non-compatible-with-everything-else Bluetooth device for your wrist.  I mean, don't we now have our phone-attached Bluetooth devices someplace else? 

Wait a minute, I know the answer to this one...,i got it! In our shoes, a la The Greatest Super Spook of the 1960s: Maxwell Smart, Secret Agent 86! 

No wait, Bluetooth For Your Wrist is an actual reality, while Get Smart was a popular 1960s sitcom poking fun at one of popular TV show & movie genres of the time, westerns and SpyFis such as The Man From Uncle., James Bond & Mission Impossible). This was back  When Women Had Tails, still wore fur bikinis & phones had actual rotary dials (no kidding, Smart's shoe phone has a dial in the sole), and not reality (OMG! Call me a nerd but the shoe phone gag is still effing hilarious) Okay, but hold on, wait! The answer to this one is coming to me... In Your Ear!

So Cook thinks that more people will flock to the EyeFone because the thing we've been missing all these years and the NBT is Bluetooth Wrist which will replace Bluetooth Ear like the Ipad replaced the Sony Walkmans and IPhones replaced Blackberry PDAs (which is still in business the last time I checked) that did everything the IPhone does and possibly more except having the advantage  a modern mobile Internet

Well I am, oh, shall we say, slightly skeptical. (yeah I'm blowing smoke up yer arse now Tim,with the "slightly" part but you don't even know it cuz i'm nobody and you're about to become SuperAppleManII if the KA media can sell this turd for you.)

 So the media is all ready swinging into action dominating the market news on my brokerage account with stories about the IWatch that I am reading now. Some dare to dismiss it according to a brief scan of the headlines, but  some are all ready whistling "Hail The King" through Cook's anal orifice. 

But Not me. My take on the IWatch is that it's a product idea in the category of  Corners 8.1 touch PC screens replacing the use of  my mouse comfortably at waist level, or  the "bluetooth keyboards" for Galaxy S4s (currently selling like hotcakes) that have at have smaller keys than the phones & have to be completely reinstalled when you physically take the phone out of the dock, begging the question WHY DOES A (legitimate) BLUETOOTH DEVICE EVEN HAVE TO BE PHYSICALLY DOCKED TO ANYTHING?

Review of unbranded $20 Samsung Galaxy S4 "Bluetooth Keyboard with Detachable Case" from Sprint

A city girl born & raised, I awoke at 5 a.m. on my uncle's  farm to the audible torture of a domesticated avian creature, undoubtedly dispensing revenge as compensation for his ultimate destination, screaming as only he can  every 30 seconds until actual daybreak in cock speak: "WARNING, the decent rising hour  of (sophisticated, charming, beautiful, intelligent human beings) is imminent at T minus 4 hours 30 minutes & counting" or maybe "Silly, stupid city girl YOU picked a BAAAD idea for a vacation, haha!"

Thus I arise on the first day of my "vacation" at 5 a.m. & suddenly I'm enjoying it again having smelled  the aroma of several of the feathered alarm clock's would-be offspring along with tidbits of nephews & nieces of some grunting, slopping wallowing creatures in  pens somewhere nearby, cooking in my aunt's frying pans.

 The oft repeated admonishments about revenge not being sweet are flat wrong!

So here I am at 6 am out in the barnyard feeding food to the food of the food's Gods, (me, giggles) & what do I see but the Uncle Piggy and he has big ol' luscious boobies like I'd  like expect on poor, distraught Aunt Piggy! And I'm like OMG WTF are they for? I'm talking about the teats on the boar hog, not those of his wifey, which we all know are are food dispensers  for the food of the Gods of  pigs. (OH MY GOD! I'm like, a..,a Pig God !).

And suddenly it hit me what they are for: I can use  them as Buetooth keypads for my Samsung S4 Galaxy because looking at them, bereft of nourishment for little piggies aspiring to make their debut on my breakfast plate, they seem to possess the exact same useful on my phone as they have on Uncle Piggy's chest, Unlike the "Sliding Bluetooth Keyboard with Detachable Case (compatible with Samsung Galaxy S4)" I recently bought.

Because I doubt if Uncle Piggy's boobs will undock, necessitating manually reentering codes to enable it again, every time I step out of range of  WiFi or remove it from the cradle. Yes I am certain that Uncle Piggy's blue teeth and boobie pad will work much better than the tiny keys on this  keyboard because his boobs are actually larger, not smaller than the keys on my phone to begin with!